A Loss of Taste

Recently, I lost my sense of taste.

Evidently, through the course of a sinus surgery, and tonsillectomy--yes, at my age, I had to have my tonsils out--I lost my ability to taste most foods. Thankfully, I can still smell.


Now, if a loss of taste were on the menu for weight-loss methods, I don't know that I would have chosen it.

But, I will use it.

I seem to be dropping a pound or two a week. Not bad. Until you consider what I was forced to give up; not just the loss of eating food in the course of a diet, but also the decided disadvantage of not being able to savor the juicy tang of a nectarine, the melting deliciousness of an icecream sundae, or the oh-so-divine Cadbury Mini Eggs that are back on store shelves for the upcoming Easter holiday.

All of it. Gone.

I'm handling it. I can do this. It very likely will come back. My taste buds might repair and come back. Eventually.

It's been 3 months already.

  

All that said,  I must add that a loss of taste, in no way has affected my taste for life. I have to tell you, the 40's are AWESOME!

Every day I find more of who I am, what I love and an increased ability to accomplish what I desire.


It's debatable if my sense of taste--my style sense--was in any way impaired or altered, either by my lack of taste-ability, or my zest for life-ability.  As evidenced by my posting of this photo--I kind of look like a dork--I just don't have much besides skiing pictures at the moment.


To wrap up, for the more curious folks:

A loss of taste is interesting. I can feel heat, as in jalapeno heat. I can feel mint. But I can't tell if I have bad breath. I hate that part. I'm an annoying gum chewer.

I find that cold, sweet items are gag-inducing gross. Chocolate is a tasteless waxy coating in my mouth.

I can almost, just almost, taste a savory, juicy, warm pot roast. Salt and vinegar chips, on the tip of my tongue have become a favorite, as I can feel the vinegar and salt. Although, as soon as it gets to the back of my tongue, it might as well be chewed up cardboard.

Along with taste, I have lost the brain connection between hunger and food. I almost always feel hungry, but I don't crave food. I have the hardest time associating eating as the way to end the hunger. I no longer get that burst of flavor reward that has you reaching into a bag of cookies or chips for 'just one more'. I eat because I have to. Nothing satisfies and despite some cravings for something, anything, to light up that reward center again, I never find it.

I do have one flavor that I can taste... bitter. There is an almost constant bitter taste on either side of my tongue that I am forever trying to drown with water, soda, tea --anything to wash it away.

For now, I savor those moments of smell; from warm cookies to a fresh-cut apple, from a piping hot wasabi burger to having a Wal-mart mountain of pastel packaged marshmallows stop me dead in my tracks.

I just wish I'd know that my last taste of chocolate was going to be my last taste of chocolate.

p.s.
WARNING: Be wary of any and all Pinterest repins that are on my Food and Cooking board. I pin for looks and possibilities, no longer do I pin food items for taste.

Double p.s.
I do have hope. I am saving a Milky Way bar--this exact bar, the one I was resisting until Christmas--for that day when I get my taste back. I know it will be stale. It's what it represents at this point.

Long time no see ;)

Just a quick little post-op note -

My hardware removal surgery for my back went well. Wednesday evening I was doing better than I thought possible after having that 8" incision opened back up.

But,  it did not last. As soon as the anesthetic wore off and when I tried to move from IV medications to pills - well, it's been very yuck!

The balancing act of trying to get the right combination of pain and anti-nausea pills working was awful.

In any case, I think I'm through the worst of it and I expect to be released Saturday morning.

Nothing like spending 4 to 5 days in the hospital when I was only expecting 1 to 2.

Home from the Hospital

I'm Home!!

It was a rough morning, started with a real bad bout of nausea, but after a phenegren (sp?) shot I managed the ride home very well.

I've been given some exercises to do for this right leg that isn't working too well. According to the therapy records they have down that a hemorhage is the culprit - makes sense as I did lose a lot of blood after that first surgery, I'm sure I did something when I was so nauseated and 'tossing cookies' that first night. It explains the need for the units of blood too. I think the Dr. might still be debating whether is was that or an allergic reaction to the BMP (bone growth hormone) that they used in the fusion. In any case, they halted the progression of the numbness with that second surgery and I'm feeling happy happy!

My mother stayed with me, my sisters came over and it was a very nice to be out of the hospital.

Now I get to figure out how to do things here at home. A challenge to say the least! I'm up for it though :)

Still in the hospital

Hello everyone,

It's been a week since the first surgery and surprisingly, I am still here. At least all the bills for the month had showed up before I went in :)

Just an update:

I am doing better every day. Started on solid foods, got rid of all the drains, iv's and tubes. Well, I still have a locked IV.

Hard to type as the one IV is in the crook of my arm (last place they could get one) and the other arm is wrapped in a K-pad (warm water circulation hot pad) to work on fixing the place where the last IV infiltrated.

I may, just might, be able to come home tomorrow. We have to see how I do today. I am 'unplugged' but still very unstable and weak - I cannot walk without assistance.

Pain meds are finally getting worked out, we've figured that I do best on a 1/3 dosage, any more and I get very sick.

Well that's it for now - hopefully soon I'll feel up to some crafting and writing and catching up on everyone's blogs

Cheers!

Complications - - but doing OK

Hello everybody!

So long story, but I'll try to tell it :)

I am still in the hospital, the 2-3 day stay is now looking like an 8 day stay.

I am doing well, just had some problems the day after the fusion. I developed some right leg numbness, my back has only ever affected the left leg, never the right.

My foot started to feel wooden, all the way down from my mid-back to my big toe.

I spent Tuesday night getting a CT scan and MRI done. Wednesday morning it was decided that they needed to open me back up and do a wound exploration and debridement (is that the right word??) Anyway, 48 hours after the fusion I was back in the OR.

The Dr. removed some tissue from the spinal canal, there was edema and swelling. I had lost a lot of blood from the drain and my hematicrit was at 26 (normal is 40 and above), So I ended up having to get 2 units of blood during the 2 hour surgery. The Dr. also removed all the BMP (Bone growth hormone) from the fusion. While none of these things could be directly linked to the numbness, I get the feeling that the Dr. thinks I was having an allergic reaction to the hormone.

I feel good about the surgery, I got lots of anti-nausea meds before the pain meds could make me too sick. The right leg is still very numb, but the numbness has stopped spreading.

Also, and this is awesome - it is the RIGHT leg that is numb - the bad ankle! It couldn't have been better if it had been planned. To not be limping on an aching ankle while I am trying to recover from back surgery - honestly, the stars must be lined up for me.

Whew, it does take it out of me to concentrate and type , I'll sign off now -

Hugs to you all!

Doing good

Real quick, as I am just 24 hours post-op:

Doing great. Been up and walking 4 times.

Have had lots of nausea problems, but the pain right now is less than what I was living with on a daily basis before the surgery.

They did do a 2 level fusion, just as planned. The Dr. said that it was just as bad as we thought, but not worse. The next level up is very likely going to be a problem in the future, but for now he just did the 2 levels.

Dr. said that I'll be in here for 4 to 5 days.

Oops, spoke too soon. Just got my Oxygen levels checked, I'm low, so now I have to go back on it. I'd been off it all day.

Too bad I don't have my camera and cord, I could post a photo of my view. I think you all might be able to manage a visual though - picture hospital ceiling and walls from flat on your back :)

Hugs all, I'll be up and running soon I'm sure!

This it... I think

Well, keep your fingers crossed for me!

I'm scheduled to go in for back surgery tomorrow morning.

Screws, rods and lost of staples afterwards. They have me booked for a 5 hour surgery and I should be in the hospital for 2-3 days if everything goes great. I've heard of up to 2 weeks if things get iffy. I will really try to not be iffy.

I can have internet access at the hospital, but don't know if I will be up to it, we will just have to see.

I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise.

Lots of hugs out there to all of you, my friends, I really do appreciate knowing you all, working, playing and reading talking with you - you are what is making this deployment of Brian's bearable.

Thank you.

Today WAS supposed to be the big day...

Never plan on anything. That's what I've just learned.

I was scheduled for back surgery today.

Yesterday I got the call - the Dr. has an emergency and he'll be gone for the next 2 weeks.

Hence, no surgery today for me.



It's like stopping a train, there is so much that went into preparing for surgery today, and now all the changes that have to happen. I even have to re-do the EKG and all the labwork. Not to mention all the work implications. Holy cow.



So, the new day: July 21st



Don't get me wrong, I'm kind of grateful for the extra time! But yikes, the feeling of taking hit is almost as much physical as mental. It messes with your mind I tell ya! '-)

Bad News

Okay, I have been avoiding this post.

Last week I got the results of my Discogram (where they inject dye in the discs in your back to see the extent of the damage in there) and the news is kind of bad.

I've known that my back has been bad since the accident. I've just tried really hard to ignore it.

Unless some kind of miracle happens in the next two weeks though, I'm afraid my time has run out. I am scheduled for a fusion (PLIF, for the technical term) on 2 discs and the third one isn't very far behind. The Dr. did say that if he got in there and the second disc was fabulous, he would only do the one. There is a chance that he'll do all three though.

On the other hand, since my over-riding coping philosophy is "Ignore it and it will go away", I fully intend to make good use of my time off.

I took a BYU workshop last week : Writing for Young Readers and I am so psyched about writing! I have ideas just percolating in my brain. I have been using every spare moment to write it all down.

My worry right now is that I have SO many ideas and SO many different styles! From non-fiction, informational picture books, Fantasy/Sci Fi middle grade novels, Adventure novels, Fingerplay and Laptime/Storytime stuff, to stories set to Classical music.

My goal is to have at least one picture book manuscript (it's already done and I'm procratistinating about sending it off to my workshop teacher for a final review - I have to stew on it for a few days) and one partial chapter book manuscript and a series proposal ready to send off to the agents and editors before I go in for surgery.

Do think I'm keeping myself busy enough? LOL!

In between all the above I AM jotting down all the stuff I have to get prepped before surgery. Sheesh, kind of humbling to think I'll be so dependent for so long of a time afterwards. From what I read it could be 3 months before I'm allowed to drive again.

Anyway, kind of a long non-picture post, sorry you all. I'll see what I can do to remedy that soon.
I will keep you all updated and I will still be doing some scrapping I'm sure :) Can't keep these hands still.

I'm still here

Just a quick little note for now.

I've survived the Discogram and the Ankle surgery. But it's been a difficult week to come back from. I don't handle pain medication well at all.

The discogram showed that yes, there are 2 herniated discs and one is ruptured as well. My left leg pain is definitely coming from the rupture.

The ankle surgery has been the worst one I've gone through so far. There is a 3" incision on the outside of my right ankle and everytime my foot is not elevated the whole foot turns a dark purple. It's been tough. I have a boot to use to walk, but so far, I've not been able to take even one step on it.

I HAVE hope though! I am opening the house up next weekend to anyone who wants to drop by and scrap! Starting Thursday - it's open house at my house :) Come on over!

My Mom taught me...

My mom taught me that if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all.

So, I apologize. I have been neglecting my blog.

On May 1st, I got some rather hard news, I had a follow-up appointment with my neurosurgeon and he kind of stunned me with the news that he really thinks I need back surgery.

It's not like it was unexpected. It's just the finality of it. The words got spoken out loud by a professional. I still might get a reprieve. I have to go to another appointment at the end of June for another opinion. In the meantime they are sending me off to have a lumbar epidural. Can I tell you how terrified I am of needles? Don't expect much of me in the middle of this next week as I cope with that appointment!

Anyway, again, I apologize. You, my cyberfriends, have not been far from my thoughts and I have felt terrible guilt over not posting lately.

Now, I'm off to post a whole slew of pictures and neglected ideas that have filled me to bursting so I can bury this particular post and get it behind me!

Hugs!
Amy